" Do you know what that means if that turned out to be true?!" he asked himself as he opened his eyes at six a.m. which is two hours earlier than the time he is accustomed to wake up for work.
He seemed to be possessed by an idea that controlled his head..he doesn't even know where did it come from or how suddenly it became pressing and crystal clear and scarily probable!
"An idea is like a virus that infects a brain and gets hold of it" he heard that quote in a movie that he couldn’t remember at 6 a.m. but he knew he was infected.
An idea that he read about probably days ago about creationism it was maybe even implicitly stated in the article that "humans invented the idea of creationism to feel special..that this whole big universe was created just to suit them perfectly and this was the product of humans' ego..that the whole world revolves around them some how" He can't even remember how he came across the article or why..its not like he was questioning anything or that he even wanted to know more
"it’s a funny thing when you loose your faith in a grand design" the song on the radio played..by this time he was in his car headed to work..he muted the song agitated..that even made his thoughts go louder
He tried to drown his ideas by going around the office trying to get as much work done as possible and acting busy as if he can fool his own brain.
"Do you know what that means?! Do you know how lonely would that make us..all?!" He resisted the poisonous idea with these questions as he looked at his colleague..she seemed oblivious to such notions as she was chatting with her friends..he wondered if this crazy idea had ever crossed this pretty head of hers.
He knew that he cant discuss his thoughts with ANYONE..not only because what people would say or the fact that he would instantly be socially shunned but also he was afraid to utter these thoughts..if they come out of his mouth and he hears them..they would sound even more true and maybe logical! And this scared him!
Maho if love doesn’t exist (which is a conclusion he reached years ago after several failed relationships) and friendship is not really forever (he knows better being backstabbed by several) and family are a bunch of people who are meant to drive you crazy because they are the ones who know how to push your buttons more than anyone else..and most of the time "work" is a joke(there's no changing the world for him anymore) and now this! The most sacred unshakeable truth! Then what is there to live for? Why bother wake up in the morning at all?! Why are we all here and this idea opens a whole world of unanswered questions that could and probably would drive him crazy!!!
"You can't handle the truth" another quote from another movie resounded in his head..so what should he do..why not give in to the fact that even if its an illusion..its better to believe in..no,that’s not good enough for him.."Doubt" has never been good enough
He couldn't possibly knowingly give in to an illusion!
Why not?! Isn’t love an illusion..happiness an illusion..even life itself feels like an illusion of a life..what isn't an illusion anyway?! Illusions make life go around..make life bearable and even enjoyable.
Drugs are not only the stuff one can sniff or drink or swallow..ideas can be more powerful than drugs..and more desperately needed at times!
As he sat with his friends at a local bar at the end of the day having drinks and exchanging jokes..he thought of how hard it would be for any of them to guess what he was thinking and he envied how easy it seemed for them to be untroubled with these thoughts..this virus that makes him feel how "unspecial" they are..or even the whole universe is at that "unspecial" moment
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